I suck at this

When I am doing "well" I write here more, when I'm off-track I don't, because I feel guilty. Well right now I'm feelin kinda guilty because I have not been doing well at all in the last couple weeks. Last week I had a headache that lasted damn near 5 days straight, and I did not get a single workout in. I didn't watch what I was eating either, so I'm sure I gained a couple pounds. I didn't even want to look at the scale. :(

I need to make rules for myself, and stick to them. Here's the first one, get AT LEAST 20 minutes of exercise in every day, even if it is only a leisurely walk. I have more to come, but that is the most important. I need to move more, I think if I did I also might help myself improve this headache problem I've been having.

Cindy's got a big 'ol butt OH YEAH!

So I am going to have re structure my reward schedule. I absolutely NEED a new pair of jeans, ASAP. I have only one pair that fit me right now that aren't about to fall apart. I had 3 pair, but one has a giant rip in the butt and the other has thin patched around the butt which means there will be a rip in the butt soon! Why oh why do I have to have such a big butt!!! So this weekend I'm going to buy myself a new pair of jeans, because even though I plan on losing more weight, I can't wear the same pair of jeans everyday until I do.

Deja vu?

I'm down 2.9 lbs. this week. Even though I had a bad day on Wednesday and ate entirely too much chocolate. I did a lot of walking at work this week and I actually got a workout in. I'm gonna do everything I can to keep it up and not yo yo between 3 pounds forever (or gain any more!).

Crap

So I weighed myself yesterday and I'm back where I started. I lost focus this week and I had PMS and so I gained all three lbs. back :( Whatever happens though I'm determined to not let myself keep repeating the same unhealthy patterns. I am going to weigh myself every week regardless of how "well" I think I've done the previous week, just to make sure I keep myself on track.

I need to start working out again though. I quit jazzercise because I really couldn't afford it anymore and it just wasn't working out for me. I can't afford a gym membership and the workout room in our apartment complex always has other people in it and it makes me really uncomfortable to be in there with someone else since the room is so small. I take walks in the evening but not as often as I should. :(

FAT Weekend

I don't know what it is about the weekends, they always seem to throw me off track. I didn't do very well this weekend regarding food. Although I still did better than I have in the past so progress is progress right?

Yay

One week down and I've lost 3.3 lbs.! Only 1.7 lbs to meet my first goal of 5 lb. loss! When I do that I'm gonna go out and buy myself a new sweater, a cute one that shows off my tatas!

Starting off well...

So yesterday I did really well on my own personal weight watcher's plan. Aaron and I went for a really nice long walk in Alum Springs Park last evening and then we came home and had lentil soup and salad for dinner. It was yum!

I've decided on rewarding myself with things along my weight loss journey. I'm really not sure what to do for my first 5 lb. loss though. I know for the 10 lb. loss I'm going to reward myself with a new pair of super cute jeans, but I don't know what to do for myself for 5 lbs. Maybe take a day off work? Hehe, I've already done that and it wasn't to reward myself, it was so I could be lazy.

I'll think of something.

New Start No. 8,001...

Ok, so after having my wakeup call the other morning when I stepped on the scale I've decided to go back to the Weight Watchers eating plan, even though I don't have the money to join up again I know enough about the plan that I can follow it on my own. I've done well so far. This weekend was OK, didn't follow exactly because things were pretty crazy, what with going to see Barack Obama on Saturday and standing on my feet for about 6 hours and not eating for 8.5. Sunday evening I had dinner at Grandma's and it was excellent. Yesterday I followed the plan to a T and I even got a small workout in. Baby steps...

OMG Seriously?

I weighed myself this morning. I had to, just because I know it was going to be bad and I just wanted to know the number. Well it's bad. I've put on 20 lbs in the last 2 months. It will take me 2x as long to lose it as it took to put it on :(

Hello, are you out there?

Ok, so I'm back here. Feeling a little better. Ready to start over again. I'm not even going to weigh myself because it's just going to suck! I know I've gained weight, my clothes are not fitting right and I just don't want to see how much I've gained. It will just be too discouraging.

So, I've decided to take Ms. Olivia's 21 day challenge! My challenge for the next 21 days is to eat a well-balanced HOME COOKED dinner. I'm pretty sure I can do it. Hooray!

Updates

Well it's been a while since I've posted on this blog. I haven't really been doing well at all lately. My birthday is one week away and I don't think I've lost anything. I just can't stay focused, I've been really stressed out and depressed lately and I just can't seem to get out of this funk that I'm in. I honestly think I need to work on my emotional health before I even begin to worry about losing weight.

Today's weigh in

Que the sad music - 196.7. That's a gain of 1.1 lbs. It's all water weight though. That's all, nothing but water, a good cry will take care of that :(

In all seriousness though, I'm not why I gained. I did better diet/exercise wise than I did last week, so if anything I should have at least stayed the same. The only thing I can think of is that I'm having some mild digestion problems, which probably isn't helping in the least.

Ah well - today is my first day trying this "big breakfast" idea, and I just don't know if I can eat 1/2 a days worth of calories in the morning before I leave for work. First of all, I really don't have time for that, and secondly, that's just a lot of food in one sitting (not that I've never done that). I did eat a much larger breakfast today though - english muffin with a WHOLE serving of peanut butter on it, a 1/2 a cantaloupe (a small cantaloupe), and a serving of vegetarian breakfast sausage. All in all that was about 420 calories. That's more than 2x the amount I normally have for breakfast, so it's a good start. I was going to try and eat some yogurt too, but I just couldn't, I was too full, plus I needed to get my butt out the door.

The Big Breakfast Diet!

Now this is a diet I can live with!

Makes sense to me, sorta. Although I honestly find that if I start off my day eating large, I just keep it up all day long. Maybe I'll try out for a week and see how it works for me.

Why I think the BMI is crap

My BMI is 30.5, which puts me in the obese category. Fine whatevs. Apparently that puts me at a higher risk of heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, gall bladder disease, and some cancers. But that's not the whole story is it? How about waist to hip ratio? Mine is 0.7, which puts me at a "low risk" for all the above health problems. I have a body fat percentage of 31.7%, which puts me in the "acceptable" range, not "obese".

Now lets go beyond these arbitrary measurements and talk about lifestyle - well I smoke sometimes, although I'm constantly trying to quit, this time I'm rather successful actually, so hopefully it will stick so we'll say I lose 10pts there. I eat a vegetarian diet full of vegetables, fruits, beans, whole grains, etc., so that's very good, add 10 pts. I get a decent amount of exercise with at least 2 days a week with an hour or more of good sweaty cardio and everyday with some moderate cardio everyday, so lets add 10 pts.

Lets look at family history here too, my mother and my maternal grandmother had gynecological cancers (which have been treated and both are "cured" so to speak). My paternal grandmother died of lymphoma (sp?) when she was in her 60's, so that's not good. I have a family history of thyroid disease, which is no good. My father and my paternal grandfather both have/had GERD, which puts you at risk for throat cancer, no good. As far as I know, heart problems do not run in my family. My mother has high cholesterol these days because of side effects of some of the anti-cancer meds she takes. My maternal grandmother suffers from high blood pressure and type 2 diabetes, but she's the only one I know of.

BMI is just a number, the real way to measure someone's health take more into account than height vs. weight.

Base Metabolic Rate

BMR Calculators are easy to find. Your BMR is the amount of calories your body burns when you are just lying in bed all day long, doing nothing at all. It does not take into account any activity you might be doing. In any of the calculators I've found online, my BMR is about 1500-1600 calories, daily. That just doesn't make sense to me though. According to Weight Watchers (which is supposed to be a healthy "lifestyle" plan) I'm supposed to eat about 26 points a day, which roughly translates to 1300 calories a day. If I'm supposed to be eat 1500-1600 calories just to fuel my body while I'm lying down doing nothing, how is 1300 calories going to fuel me while I'm up and about everyday working?

Well, no wonder the weight watchers plan leaves me feeling deprived. I'm basically starving myself. I guess I'm going to have to rethink my plan.

I don't really understand

Over a year ago I went to my first Weight Watcher's meeting and I was 220lbs! I've lost 25lbs since then. Although I hit that 25 lb mark last summer and haven't been able to get past it. I've lost my focus I guess. I want to lose more, but I just can't seem to say no to yummy food. I have no willpower when I am a party, or out to eat. I do fine day to day as long as I am at home and I don't have any of my "trigger foods" around, but put me out in a social situation and I am a complete pig.

This week's weigh in!

195.6, so that's a loss of .3 lbs. Well, I know I didn't do too well in the diet department this week, so I suppose I can't expect much. At least I didn't gain anything. I am quitting smoking again for the millionth time, so that probably has something to do with having a small weight loss. Ah well...

This week my goal is to exercise one more time than I normally do (which is about 2x a week) and actually COUNT the calories I'm eating even though I hate doing that.

Weighing yourself is bad

Mmmmkay?

I weighed myself this morning, even though my "official" weigh in day is Friday. I just wanted to check and see. It was high, higher than expected. Who knows though, water weighs a lot... We'll see what the scale says tomorrow, but I'm determined not to let it bother me.

Willpower

I have none. Aaron took the day off work yesterday to take an exam for some sort of security systems certification. He got the highest score of anyone there, 860 or something out of 900. So he wanted to go out to dinner to celebrate, we still had the gift card to Pancho Villa that we got for Christmas so we went there. Let me tell you, I ate almost my whole plate, plus the chips and salsa they give you before the meal. Ugh. I just can't say no to food when it's presented to me, right in front of my face!

I've decided, no more going out to eat, no more ordering in to eat, none of that, until our birthday. Did I happen to mention that Aaron and I have the same birthday, we do, it's annoying.

Drumroll please...

So here are my current stats for your viewing pleasure:

Cindy Lou Who

• weight: 195.9
• height: 5'7"
• waist: 33"
• hips: 47"
• right thigh: 29"
• right bicep: 13"
• bust: 43 3/4"

(I don't care about BMI because it's a meaningless number in my opinion so I'm not putting it up here)

I've been kinda hovering over the 195 lb. mark for a while now, so I wasn't surprised to see that when I stepped on the scale this morning. I don't know if losing 10 lbs. by my birthday is super realistic anymore since I totally slacked off this week, but I'm going to aim high I guess.

Confession

Aaron braved the storm last night and went to Target to get me a wrap thing for my ankle (what a sweetheart :). Of course when he was in Target the wouldn't let him leave because of the tornado. When he did finally make it home he has my ankle thingie, plus TWO PINTS of Haagen Daaz ICE CREAM (what an asshole). So, just to clear the air, I did eat some, and not just a couple bites either :(

Gimme a break people, I'm a cripple.

Bad Timing

Well this was a horrible week to have started my "new life" considering that I got my period and injured myself all at the same time. Kinda makes it hard to want to eat right and work out. I'm trying to keep on pushing though, cuz giving up is how I got to the point I am right now anyway.

Temptations

Well I've started my "monthly", and I really feel like eating the whole world right now. I was just watching the TV and a commercial came on for the new Wendy's Frosty Shakes, and I so totally wanted to make Aaron go out and get me one. I decided I would just hobble away from the TV instead.

I'm not sure if I should go to my Jazzercise class tonight since I hurt my ankle this morning falling down my stairs. If I go there's a possibility that I may hurt myself further, but if I stay home I will feel like crap because I really need to workout tonight. So I'm not really sure what to do.

Well

Yesterday was not a very good night for me. I ate pretty much anything I could get my hands on, and then fell asleep on the couch for most of the night, before I just went to bed. Probably has something to do with the fact that my "monthly" is set to start up some time today, so I'm not going to get down about this slip-up or beat myself up over it, just gonna move on and do better today.

Damn People with their CAKE!

I know everyone works with people who bring in food, and put it out there on the break room table for you to be temped. Those jerks!

I only had a couple bites though, not too much... I did do especially well last night and went to TWO Jazzercise classes in a row, plus my personal touch class. Tonight I think I'm just gonna play with my Wii Fit. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

So I had this great idea...

That I would have a protein bar for myself as an after-work/ before dinner snack so that I wouldn't be ravished by the time I get home. Well - first of all I left it in my car, so it melted, and second of all I already it and it's only 2:45! I still have another 45 minutes before I get out of work today, and I now I only have 6 points I can have for dinner. Although I am going to my jazzercise class and personal touch tonight, so I can probably have a couple more points and it won't hurt... Hmmmm, decisions decisions...

My Life as an In Between-y

So you see, I'm chunky enough that it's extremely hard to find clothes that fit and look good in regular stores. But I'm also not big enough to shop at plus-size stores either. Technically speaking I'm a plus size, since I wear a 16, but of all the plus size stores I've been in, they never seem to have my size in stock. Let me tell you - it's annoying.

So my goal is to get myself to a point where I can shop at a normal store. I know this may seem like a small goal, but I would like to be able to wear a size 12. I've reconciled the fact that I will never be thin. It's just not in the stars for me. I'm a "big boned" person, not to sound cliche, I just have a larger frame, I am not petite. I am also blessed with the big-ass gene. All the women in my family have big asses, and I fit right in on that end (pun intended). (Most of the women in my family have ginormous boobs too, but thankfully that gene skipped a generation with me.) So my genetics are working towards a big ass for me, there's no getting around it. Even when I was 19 and skinny-minny, I still wore a size 7 jeans, because my ass was big and round, and I even still had cellulite, so what can you do?

I figure it's good to set some small intermediate goals for yourself, to keep up the motivation so, my first goal is to lose 10lbs by my birthday, which is July 10th, a little less than 6 weeks away. I've not decided what my reward for acheiving that goal is going to be, but rest-assured, it's gonna be awesome!

Soon to come - my real life stats, that includes current weight and measurements.